I deeply enjoyed creating this mandala in between my projects this evening . I'm becoming more and more fascinated with symmetry and these kinetic color ripples that permeate darkness. I feel like creatures and images come through the abrstract petals, speaking to me like a crystalline vision of ecstasy.
I know , as my first post, this may be a lot to swallow. However, I don't want to be the type of artist who censors themselves for the sake of other's perception of me.
This painting is kind of intense. Why? This painting is of me. This is a painting of an emotion I experienced on a deep, cellular level.
I went through something this past year that made it impossible for me to have intercourse with my partner or exercise for a month. An operation. Fortunately everything was okay and all I was supposed to do was heal for that entire month, but still. My reaction worried me.
I am a highly sensual person and much of my art is inspired by the fact that I am able to express myself with my body as a vehicle for expression. I'm a dancer. Performance artist. Contortionist. Loving, physically interactive , girlfriend. When I was unable to express myself in this way I felt caged.
My energy began to build up and snowball inside of my chest. It grew and it grew until just a few days later I felt my mind exploding with all sorts of scenarios. I wanted to rip my clothes off and be naked in front of everybody. WITH everybody. My sexual energy was overflowing and I felt this monster burst from my stomach, rising up to destroy me and everything around me. It was like looking myself, or at least this part of myself , in the mirror for the very first time. I had never known myself to be this absurdly rageful or have this much energy surrounding my sexuality. Suddenly I realized why I ever became a dancer or a contortionist; to control this monster, to have a healthy release for this energy that I hosted.
How would I had ever known it was there if I wasn't forced to look at it directly in it's amber colored snake eyes?